I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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