having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
