Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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