i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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