i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
