You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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