When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
