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i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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