Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
