she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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