Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
