Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
did i just pee glitter
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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