A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
