Screwed.edu
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
that may or may not have been my penis.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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