Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
