I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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