I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
