I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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