Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
