I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Randomize
