I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize