omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
