I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
