i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize