also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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