mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
