I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
