Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
