Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize