I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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