if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
