Where is the hickey?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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