If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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