she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
