Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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