you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
