are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
