The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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