sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
