i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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