Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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