sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
