Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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