any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
