Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
