rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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