i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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