I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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