So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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