First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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