Non-Jews are for practice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
