You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
