I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
