Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
