Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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