you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
