I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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