I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
