Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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