My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
