yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
