I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
