This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
