I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize