I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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