You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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