We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
