I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
