My sheets look like a crime scene.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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