u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
