and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
