He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
