so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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